When Good People Disagree

How is it that each of us occupies such different worlds in our minds? How is it that two people, viewing the same situation, see it so differently?

In recent years of stormy polarization around vaccines, left and right politics, climate change and much more, it is as if we are from different planets. Controversy in the public domain I understand but what about your best friends? Your family? Your spiritual family?

In a recent and unfolding drama that swirls around friends in my life, I am astonished at the different points of view. And these are not philosophical, mind you: these are raw issues which, in the instance I am thinking of, revolve partly around money, security and authority.

Worse yet these friends share high ideals and are people in good standing; people who pray and meditate daily; who serve a public ministry in self-sacrificing ways.

In another even more intense situation that revolved around my life years ago, a religious schism of sorts resulted in perjury, lies, and deceit on the part of individual church leaders.

How can this be with people of integrity and faith? Those of you who are inured to church scandals have, no doubt, a ready response: “Gee, so what? What else is new?”

Perhaps that is so. Church leaders are seldom chosen for their sanctity by other church leaders. Saints are uncomfortable to have around, and most are not inclined to be administrators or ordinary teachers. Administrators are concerned about preserving and protecting their authority and about the continuity of their mandate. Add some big money to this (let’s leave out the sex, please), and you have temptation and subconscious impulses.

So maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised. I can still be disappointed, however, as in the instance I am referring to, I happen to know the people involved and know that their views don’t square with their goodwill, intelligence and their lives of faith and harmony. Nor is it, in my view at least, a mere difference of opinion. There are issues of fairness vs. financial gain, or cooperation vs. control.

The lesson here is to use one’s discernment, compassion, and the long view of what is true. Just as an illness can inflict one at any time, so too can past karma rear its head and impel one to act out of synch with one’s own ideals.

As my guru, Paramhansa Yogananda put it, “We are not free until we achieve nirbikalpa samadhi, that is to say: soul liberation. Thus, we find spiritual leaders and teachers throughout history who fall from their ideal. Rather than condemn them, we should see this sad fact as a warning to ourselves: not to idolize others beyond our own experience, not to judge others, and yet to remain loyal and even minded amidst change and controversy.

Does this suggest, then, that we remain above the fray and avoid taking sides? Not necessarily. We too have our views, of course. But to sit back saying “There are two sides to this controversy and therefore I am going to stay out of it and remain centered” is to risk being a coward. What is right and dharmic in this world of duality is almost never perfect. Somewhere in the ancient scriptures of India is the counsel that “When a higher dharma conflicts with a lower dharma, the lower dharma ceases to be dharma.” Suggesting that each side learn to get along is but a spectator sport and an armchair exercise. Praying for peace is fine if that’s all you can do but staying on the sidelines is not necessarily the higher path. It may only be the safer and easier path.

A spiritually minded person can accomplish great things and yet have character flaws. Let’s appreciate goodness and success when we encounter it and accept that others, like us, are probably not yet completely free. An interesting possibility that should be considered is that such people may be very, very close to final liberation, notwithstanding any current shortcomings. Like a nail stuck in a board, when we use a claw-hammer to pull out a nail we have no idea whether it will come out easily or only after great effort. To one who is soul-identified, karma may suddenly rise only for the purpose of becoming visible so that with effort and grace it can be dismissed for having been seen for what it is — a delusion. (This does not apply to unrepentant abusers.)

The soul remains ever free. How much more salutary is it for us to peer past the ever-changing, evanescent form into one another’s soul? What greater affirmation of our own freedom and that of others can we make? When someone stumbles it need not be a fall. Instead, call to the mind’s memory the good and holy deeds that best represent the soul while, at the same time, don’t ignore the call to speak up calmly for what you feel is right.